


A Thousand Words and One Secret

by z0mbieshake



Series: Memories of a Better Time [6]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Love Confessions, M/M, Secret Identity, Sketches
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-02
Updated: 2014-06-02
Packaged: 2018-02-03 02:59:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1728578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/z0mbieshake/pseuds/z0mbieshake
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Felix discovers Peter Pan's secret drawing hobby and another much darker secret</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Thousand Words and One Secret

Felix never meant any harm. He only climbed into Pan's tree house to report that Nibs had lost another finger and Devin had accidentally stabbed another kid with his spear during a sparring match. Rufio told him that Pan had a soft spot for him and would be softer on the boys if he went to report. Felix dismissed it, assuming that Rufio was just too lazy to report himself. Although, with Rufio nudging his arm and winking at him at the slightest mention of meeting Pan alone, Felix could never be sure.

When the magical boy wasn't in his tree house, Felix lounged around the room, curiosity taking over as he noticed a book laying on the desk. He never saw Peter Pan reading which only made the book's existence more intriguing.

Felix took the leather bound book and flipped through the pages. It was a sketch book filled to the brim with rough, charcoal drawings. Felix chuckled as he watched the evolution of the sketches. At first, they were far more frequent, mostly plants, animals, and scenery. Later on, the lost boys began to appear, nearly cartoony in their appearance. He found an early drawing of himself, hooded with a face smudged by the drawing on the opposite page.

And then he reached the center of the book where nearly every sketch was of _him_. Felix tried to hide his smile, flattered in the best way possible by his king's interest in him. Peter would probably be embarrassed by Felix discovering his private hobby. With one final search through the book, Felix was about to toss it back onto the desk till his thumb caught on a sketch unusually placed at the last page.

Curious, Felix lifted the back cover, noticing the sketch of a man on the back. He certainly wasn't Hook or any of the pirates aboard the ship. He looked far too scraggly, like a vagrant, with uneven hair and a patchy beard. Felix couldn't pin who this was. He'd never seen a man like this in his life.

Perhaps he'd never seen _the man_ before but he might've seen _the boy_.

Felix flipped through the pages again, searching for a self-portrait. Judging from the smudges on the mystery man, Felix assumed it must've been an early drawing. Definitely prior to the lost boys arriving at Neverland. He eventually fell upon a sketch Peter made of himself, just a few pages before the lost boy sketches started. Flipping back and forth, Felix searched for similarities, hairline, jaw shape, nose shape, nothing matched up except for one glaring feature.

_The eyes_. The eyes were the same.

For anyone else, this wouldn't have been decisive proof but for Peter Pan, Felix would always recognize those eyes and how they could make him burn on the inside with just a look.

A chill overcame his body and Felix was slammed facedown onto the desk before he was even aware, " _What the hell are you doing here?_ " Peter growled, sounding like a demon as he continued to pin Felix down on the unfeeling wood.

"N-Nibs lost a finger. And Devin st-" Felix was cut off as Pan lifted him and slammed him back down, knocking the breath out of him. Peter turned him over roughly, rolling him onto his back so he could look him in the eye.

With his eyes blown wide and teeth bared, his whole body tense with rage and flaring with Neverland's magic, Peter looked like a _demon_ , snarling and wild as he took heavy, animalistic breaths over Felix, voice husky and dark when he spoke. _Felix was utterly terrified_.

"How much did you see?" Peter growled, slamming the sketchbook next to Felix's head.

Felix shook his head numbly, too frightened to speak. He knew Pan would be upset whether or not he lied or told the truth.

"How much did you see!" Peter roared, spittle landing on Felix's face as he spoke, startling the boy into flinching against the table.

Lips trembling as he spoke, "I'm sorry," Felix gasped out, knowing that he had trespassed on something vital in Peter's life, "I didn't mean to. I just wanted to see."

Felix wasn't sure why, perhaps it was the way he apologized or the way he looked, but Peter backed off. He took the sketchbook with him, hiding it somewhere in the room with a puff of smoke. Cautiously, Felix stood from the desk, slightly curled in to make himself appear smaller. Peter was still angry, evident from the glower and slightest gap in his lips baring his teeth.

"What do you want?" Peter asked, voice lighter and kinder, slowly returning to his normal tone.

Swallowing, Felix straightened up and repeated the report.

" _Nibs again_. Tell Devin to go hunting. He can get his aggression out there. No help for Nibs though, he needs to learn from this," Peter ordered, voice snappish.

Felix nodded back, committing his orders to memory as Peter wandered back to the desk.

"So, what did you think?" Peter asked, a smile returned to his face as he peered over his shoulder to watch Felix.

With his mood cleared, Felix thought Peter forgave him for figuring out who he used to be which is why Felix was utterly oblivious when he pressed forward, "I couldn't believe that was really you."

Peter's teeth bared, lips twisting into a snarl as his eyes narrowed with calculate fury. All of Peter's rage suddenly returned, harsher, darker, more terrifying than before. Felix felt himself rooted to the spot with just a single glare, his insides crushing him from the inside and turning to ice. He had misunderstood in the worst way possible. Peter forgave him for seeing the sketches, _not for seeing his original self_.

A hand cut through the air, smacking Felix across the cheek with bruising force. Felix couldn't even react to the strike, finding himself tossed onto the floor of the tree house, bruising his arms as he tried to cushion the fall. He twisted around momentarily, whining as Peter approached with an ungodly presence. A heavy boot planted itself on Felix's back, digging harshly into the small of his back to keep him in place. Felix thought that was the worst of it, feeling as if his spine would snap under the pressure. His eyes flew open in fear when Peter showed him that the pain would be _far_ worse.

Two hands were pressed flat against Felix's back. And then Peter pushed in with his fingers, sinking through clothing and flesh and into his very core. The real agony began when Peter pulled back, a shadowy form clutched between his fingers, resisting Peter's pull just barely. Felix's scream bounced throughout the tree house, echoing in the trees and into the Lost Boy's camp, warning them of what would happen to those who crossed Pan's path.

The pain was indescribable, like something far more intimate than flesh being ripped off his bones, twisting with cruel fingers and turning what was left behind to stone. This was death. Felix was dying. And all he wanted was for his king to be proud of him, keeping an eye on all his Lost Boys and reporting to him when he got the chance.

"I'm sorry!" Felix screamed, face clenched tightly as Peter continued to tear away his shadow. He could feel his arms deaden as the shadow was torn from it, turning into immovable blocks of lead, "I won't tell anyone! Please! I'm sorry!" He felt a whole new pain as he heard his shadow howling, it's white eyes casting a bright light on the tree house roof. The only part of his body he could still feel was his ankles, just one jerk away from tearing out his entire shadow, "PAN! I'M SORRY!" Felix screamed till his voice broke.

Felix felt his shadow snap back into place as Pan released it. The sudden disappearance of the agonizing pain made Felix nauseous and he immediately curled up on himself. He knew better than to inquire after incurring Pan's wrath so he kept his mouth shut, collapsing to the ground and passing out from the near-death exposure.

 

His limbs were no longer heavy as Felix awoke, covered in a thick blanket and warmed by a crackling fire to his right. He groaned as he opened his eyes, phantom pain still smarting his torso. It'd be weeks before he would be able to forget the ungodly throbbing of having his shadow ripped from him. His eyes immediately fell to the shifting form on his left, heart sinking in his chest when he saw Pan sitting on a stool beside the bed, _watching him_.

"P-P..." Peter's name died in his throat. Felix was trembling under the sheets, fear finding him all over again. He flinched as Peter tossed something in his direction. It took him at least a minute to collect himself and realize that Peter merely threw a slip of paper at him. Reaching out from under the sheets, Felix took the slip of paper and unfolded it slowly, impressed and confused by the intricate sketch of _himself_ sleeping on the bed.

Peter stood before Felix could ponder, turning his back to him and heading towards his desk. Felix sat up quickly, a million words dancing on his tongue but none of them presentable, "Pan!" Felix called out. To his surprise, Peter stopped, twisting his head around to watch Felix with an unreadable expression, "I won't tell anyone. I promise."

Peter turned away before Felix could speak, distrust flashing over his face for just a moment before looking away. Felix was still a boy, a curious boy with a century to live in Neverland. Peter could never entrust him to protect his secret. If he just killed him, all his troubles would be solved but _this one_ , this boy of every other boy he's had in Neverland, Peter wanted to keep him _so badly_.

"How can I be sure?" Peter muttered to himself, eyes unblinking and harsh as they studied Felix.

Felix sat up slowly, averting his eyes when Peter's glance moved upward. His fingers played at the drawing Pan threw at him, wrinkling the edges absently, "I can prove it."

"How?" The flames of the fireplace reflected in Pan's eyes, intensifying the already passionate glow in them, "What will you do to prove it?"

Felix wasn't sure what to make of Pan's expression. He looked almost _lustful_ , "Anything."

The silence between them was agonizing. Felix wasn't sure of the consequences of giving Peter free reign. Under Pan's carefully constructed facade, Felix could see just a tinge of lust inside him. Although, he couldn't be completely sure if he was just projecting or not.

"Stand up," Peter commanded, dropping back in his seat and crossing his legs with the dignity of a king.

Obeying immediately. Felix put the drawing aside and stood in front of him.

" _Strip_ ,"

Felix froze. Stunned but not deterred.

Peter's eyes narrowed when Felix hesitated for just a second, "Take off everything," Peter commanded again, "I want to see."

Swallowing, Felix undid the strings of his cloak, letting it drop to the floor with a shrug of his shoulders. The scarf went next, falling onto his boots and getting tossed under the bed when Felix tossed his shoes off with a loose kick. He lifted his shirt and vest over his head with one action, tossing the bundle of cloth at Peter's feet. He didn't pause despite the tension as he undid the front of his pants, thumbs slipping under the waistband as he pulled them down along with his braies, exposing him completely to Pan's eyes.

From the now very apparent lust in his eyes, Felix wasn't sure if he should be excited or frightened. Felix never considered himself a looker, far too skinny and battle-damaged for anyone's interest. Why Pan watched him like he was the most beautiful thing in existence was completely lost in Felix's mind.

He watched carefully as Peter materialized a scrap of paper and quill in his hands. Felix could do little else other than stand completely still as Peter scribbled a drawing of Felix's naked form onto the sheet. He wasn't sure if he should pose or not, too tense to speak and break Peter's concentration. Peter put the slip of paper aside when he was done, standing up to approach Felix. From after, Felix could make out just a faint sketch of him on the scrap, still messy with gesture sketches. 

He didn't flinch when Pan stood and curled his hands around his chest, sitting them uncomfortably under his armpits before sliding down, memorizing the slightest curve of his torso. The slightest smile was playing on Peter's face as he spoke, "You'd do _anything_?" Felix nodded back, "Alright then," Without a shred of warning, Peter spread his hands onto Felix's chest and shoved him onto the bed. He followed closely after, climbing over him with a half-smirk, " _Let's play_."

Felix let out a hum of approval unconsciously, reclining back to expose his neck. Peter immediately ran his fingers against it, nails scratching lightly over his pulse.

Rufio's lewd remarks, all the boys snickering at him when he'd report to Pan privately, the multitude of sketches, _why Pan let him live_. Everything was coming together, painting an image too vivid and surreal.

"At nightfall, after your patrol," Pan started, drawing shapes over Felix's chest playfully, "I want you to come to my tree house so I can _punish_ you till the sun rises," Felix shuddered at the command, hips jerking upwards slightly to grind against Pan's.

"For how long?" Felix asked shakily, nuzzling into Pan's fingertips as he traced his jaw. Could he stand days of this nightly ritual? Weeks? _Months?_

Peter's brow quirked upward, looking almost confused at the question, " _Forever_ ," He propped himself up on his elbows and knees, leaning in to breathe into Felix's lips, "Anything to prove yourself right?"

Peter groaned when Felix pressed his knee between his legs, grinding down on it when Felix only pushed harder, " _Anything_ ," Felix repeated as Peter buried his teeth into his shoulder, suckling bruises all over his skin.

 

"Hey, what's that?" Rufio asked, pointing to a stack of drawings tucked under Felix's pillow.

Felix glanced over to his pillow, blinking as he noticed the papers stuffed haphazardly under the wool, "Don't know," He said, taking the stack out gingerly. He noticed a note on top written in a scraggly yet elegant penmanship, " _For you, love Pan_ ," He whispered, quickly tucking the note into his cloak so Rufio couldn't read it, "Its something from Pan."

"I bet they're dirty drawings!" Rufio shouted with a toothy grin, "Let me see!"

"What! No!" Felix shouted back, immediately pulling away when Rufio reached for the bundle of papers in his hands.

Despite his height advantage, Rufio managed to knock the papers to the dirt with one well-placed swipe, undoing the twine binding the pile together. Eagerly, Rufio restrained Felix with a playful headlock as he looked over the drawings, toothy smile dropping dead at the sight, "... they...they're all you."

Years had passed since the day Felix discovered Peter's greatest secret, years of 'punishment' by Peter's hand and at the end of every punishment, Peter would always make a sketch of Felix undone and vulnerable with whatever restraint or toy Peter curiously involved for that night.

Shutting up and nearly purple in the face, Rufio backed away and returned to camp to bleach his brain. Chuckling lightly to himself, Felix collected the sketches, holding them close to his chest as he remembered every single pleasurable moment detailed by them.

He stopped when he found a particularly wrinkled sheet hidden in the pile. The rest were fairly intact, being drawn and preserved in the last few years. This one had far more damage to it, the corners dog-eared and lined with creases.

" _Malcolm_ ," Felix whispered when he flipped over the sheet, seeing the very familiar scoundrel sketched with charcoal and fading on the page.

The day he learned Peter's real name was the day he asked Peter to see his true self, to love him without the smoke and mirrors of Neverland. Peter obliged, youth fading away into a rugged scoundrel of a man who made up for the loss of youth with his charming demeanor. While all of their punishments had a feel of domination play to them, with _Malcolm_ , Felix felt like this was the first time they truly _made love_.

He stuffed the drawings under the wool sheets of his bed roll but he kept Malcolm's drawing folded away and tucked into his belt, forever safeguarding Peter's greatest secret as he promised.


End file.
